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  #1  
Old 02-03-2009, 02:05 PM
CrazyIvan's Avatar
CrazyIvan CrazyIvan is offline
Senior Member
Corporal
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In Hell
Posts: 150
Talking ... And Then The Fight Started

My wife sat down on the sofa next to me as I was changing channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our next anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a set of scales... And then the fight started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station. And then the fight started...
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your trousers. You might have received disability allowance too.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rib-eye steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

---------------------------------

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, ' Well your eyesight's near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Stella for 14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for 7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream would.
And then the fight started....

--------------------------------------------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her bum look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started......

---------------------------------------------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....

----------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the trailer to the car, and proceeded to reverse out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ....

---------------------------------------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started.....

--------------------------------------------- - - -

My wife and I are watching ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started....

--------------------------------------------------------------------

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't work, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the car, e-mail, golf, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And that's when the fight started...

------------------------------------------------
Once a MARINE always a MARINE On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired MARINE, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do.
You wore that same negligee the night we were married"
She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and said; "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said;

" Mission Accomplished."

And then the fight started
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  #2  
Old 02-04-2009, 11:58 AM
jonnyxbox22 jonnyxbox22 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: taos, new mexico
Posts: 32
Default Re: ... And Then The Fight Started

hahahahahahahahahahaha
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  #3  
Old 03-29-2009, 08:54 AM
TattooPadawan's Avatar
TattooPadawan TattooPadawan is offline
Needs Church
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Troy, Ohio
Posts: 1,022
Default Re: ... And Then The Fight Started

My wife asked me to make love to her like in the movies,.... so I f@#ked her in the ass and came on her face.
Now she is mad.
I guess we seen different movies!
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  #4  
Old 04-14-2009, 01:17 PM
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holierthanthou holierthanthou is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pa hoping to move out west someday
Posts: 132
Default Re: ... And Then The Fight Started

lmfao
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  #5  
Old 04-27-2009, 01:26 PM
nataS nataS is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: NW
Posts: 3
Default Re: ... And Then The Fight Started

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  #6  
Old 07-12-2011, 08:35 AM
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Lord Hordak Lord Hordak is offline
^This Guy^
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Jacksonville FL
Posts: 96
Default Re: ... And Then The Fight Started

Oh man... Some of those were funny as hell...
These are getting passed on today
Thanks for some new material
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  #7  
Old 07-26-2011, 11:27 PM
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Bufferkiller Bufferkiller is offline
MakingInsanityFunSince'83
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 1,885
Default Re: ... And Then The Fight Started

These never get old!
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